Ski trips are just a bad idea
by namelessDrifter
Summary: It's 12 grade, and Zim and Dib's class go on a trip to a ski resort! There is no possible way this could end badly! None! ZaDr, posted originally on AO3.
1. Chapter 1

_This is a gift fic for ectoqueen on tumblr to fufil two prompts. I'm not gonna post 'em here, but they are in the chapter notes on the version I posted on AO3. This was supposed to be a 2k word one shot. whoops. _

* * *

The senior class trip was _supposed_ to be the highlight of Dib's senior year. Keyword: supposed.

They were going to a ski resort, and Dib was excited because ski resort meant snow, and snow meant filthy frozen rainwater. And _rainwater_, in _any _form, meant _no. Zim. _

Dib couldn't be more wrong. He hadn't even realized Zim was going until everyone was lined up at the charter busses the morning they were supposed to leave.

"Hello, _Dib_."

That _voice_. Dib felt himself tense up in anger. There was only _one_ person who could put such malice into his name, and of _course_ it had to be the one person Dib thought he'd be free of for a whole four days. "_Zim_," he hissed, spinning on his heel and looking _down_.

To the surprise of no one, there stood his nemesis in all his four foot nine glory. Back straight, looking prouder than ever. He was feigning examining his nails, but the effect was ruined by the snug purple mittens worn over the gloves of his uniform. "Stunned into silence by my greatness as usual, I see," he said, in his usual casual and arrogant manner.

"What are you _doing_ here?" Dib snapped. He wasn't sure if he was truly angry or just irritated. His hopes of a Zim free weekend were completely obliterated.

Zim glanced up at him, glass like fake eyes making him the picture of innocence. "Why whatever do you mean, Dib-worm?" The little runt batted his eyes a few times for effect. "Zim is here to have a _normal_ vacation with all his _normal_ skool chums."

Dib groaned. _Of course_ Zim would choose keeping up his poorly constructed facade of normalcy over his own personal safety. Sometimes Dib wondered if the alien had a death wish. Actually, now that Dib really thought about it, Zim probably wasn't here _just_ to keep up appearances. "Look," he started, "Whatever you're planning for this weekend, can you please just _not?_"

"_Plans?"_ Zim's voice rose in a way that Dib knew meant he was lying. "Zim has no _plans_. I know not what you mean of such things!" Sometimes, Dib was irritated that he could read Zim so well. Zim's posture had stiffened like a soldier at attention, his hands squared themselves on his non-existent hips and he threw his head back in mock laughter. Yep, Zim definitely had plans.

Dib opened his mouth to tell the alien off when the class president's grating voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Alright~!" said the cheery teen, "Now that everyone's paired up with their buddies, we can all get on the bus!"

_Buddies?_ Dib looked around and sure enough, everyone was paired off. Leaving himself and Dib standing awkwardly together. _Great, just great._

"Remember," added the president, "You must stay with your buddy the _entire _trip."

Zim groaned loudly, apparently having just realized this meant he would be stuck with Dib. Dib rolled his eyes at the shorter boy's theatrics- it's not like he was exactly thrilled about the whole arrangement either.

"But you all knew that, didn't you~!" God Dib could hear the saccharine leaking from that kid's throat. "That's right, all normal students will staaaay with their buddies!"

Oh _no_. The president _had _ to use the "N" word, didn't they. Dib looked over at Zim, who was still focused on the cheery redhead who had moved on to announcing bus rules. He saw Zim's eyes widen, and his fuzzy purple hat move in a way that meant his antennae were twitching under his wig.

Much to Dib's horror, Zim turned to face him, sporting the predatory grin of his childhood nightmares. "Well, Dib-creature," he started. "It looks like we will be spending quite a bit of time together."

Dib could only respond with stunned silence. Great, just _great_. Now Zim would be dragging Dib into whatever he had planned. Of course, Dib knew that Zim would probably drag Dib into whatever it was even if they _weren't_ trip buddies, but now Dib had no excuse to escape.

All delusions of a normal trip were shattered as Zim grabbed his arm and loudly announced, "Come, Dib worm, we must board _THE BUS_."

Zim dragged Dib to the back of the bus, and pushed him into the seat just in front of the bathroom. "_HERE!"_ he announced, "We sit _HERE!"_

Zim climbed into the seat next to Dib, the aisle seat. His toes barely touched the floor.

"Nice coat, Zim," said Torque Smacky from across the aisle. _Could this day get any worse?_ Dib wondered. Probably not.

"Yes, it is a most superior garment," replied Zim by way of acknowledgement. He was very proud of it- it matched his hat and gloves, and was tailored to Zim's small frame. It even had fluffy white trimming that Zim was quite fond of- it reminded him of some of his more benign experiments back on Vort Research Station 9. He seemed oblivious to Torque's snickering.

"You do know that's a _woman's_ coat, right?" Torque said. God, Dib could just hear the condensention dripping from his mouth. He knew it would probably go right over Zim's head.

"Preposterous!" _There it went, _thought Dib, _Right over it. _"This is _Zim's_ coat! It was _made_ for me."

Torque laughed and highfived his friends, naively believing he succeeded in getting under Zim's skin. Dib, on the other hand, realized that Zim wasn't annoyed, merely stating fact.

That was one thing he liked about Zim, at least. He was very straight forward. He tended to announce his intentions from the start, even if he wasn't trying to. He was also a very bad liar, at least as far as Dib was concerned. He knew all of the little Irken's tells, but he didn't doubt that Zim knew his in return. That was just how being enemies worked.

The bus ride was eight hours long, and Dib slept through most of it. If he was going to be dealing with Zim all night (it was just his luck, buddies _roomed_ together) he wanted to get all the sleep he could.

Dib supposed it wasn't _all_ bad. At least this way, he could keep a close eye on whatever Zim was planning.

The first two days passed uneventfully. Zim stayed holed up inside the resort, which Dib was perfectly ok with- he had planned on doing the same thing anyway. Dib wasn't much for skiing (or winter weather) so he had only come on this trip in hopes of escaping Zim and his overly complicated schemes.

It was the third day, and final night, that everything went horribly, horribly wrong.

Zim had been acting weird all day. Not that Dib actually cared- it was nice to be able to update his paranormal research files in peace without the little space bug attached to his hip.

He kept slipping off with various excuses- usually involving the bathroom or retrieving more 'liquid coco of dubious warmth.' It took all of Dib's willpower to resist the urge to investigate. The only reason he even signed up for this trip was to prove to himself that he could go more than three days without getting into some kind of fight with Zim. The alien's presence was making that _very_ difficult.

_Whatever he has planned, _he told himself, _there's probably some fatal flaw and it'll take care of itself._

That little mantra worked quite well until dusk.

"Zim will be using the sleep early!" He announced to the empty ski lodge. Dib rolled his eyes. It was only him and one chaperone- there was no point to Zim's theatrics. Dib was going to ignore him like he had been. He had been _so good_ about not letting himself get caught up in Zim's little game, he wasn't going to ruin that now. The temptation was too great when he noticed Zim going in the _opposite_ direction of their room.

"What is he up to?" Dib muttered to his enemy's retreating back. He was still wearing that stupid coat of his. Dib sighed, no longer able to resist the siren call of foiling one of Zim's plans. "He'll feel bad if it fails on its own," he reasoned. _But wait, how was that _my _problem? "_Right, he'll just find some way to blame me anyway. May as well investigate..." He was just making excuses at this point.

Zim hadn't gone far by the time Dib caught up with him. He was going over to the ski lift where all the other students were hanging out, laughing and talking amongst themselves. Zim easily slipped by them and onto the lift- Dib wasn't far behind him. Years of breaking into Zim's base with its increasingly tight security made sneaking around teenagers child's play.

The chaperone in the lodge simply assumed Dib had gone to bed after Zim; no one would even notice the boys were gone. At the top of the mountain, Zim hopped off the lift, landing in a three-point-crouch in the soft snow. He began walking towards the woods, off the beaten path, just as Dib hopped off his own lift. His height allowed him to easily slid off without making too much noise.

The sky was rapidly darkening around them, and for a brief moment, Dib feared he would lose track of Zim before he found out whatever his grand plan was, but the moonlight reflecting off the snow proved to provide adequate illumination. Snow fell down in gentle drifts as Dib followed stealthily behind Zim. The path Zim took, if you could call it that, was increasingly windy and narrow. _Where is he even going?_

Zim turned a corner, Dib not far behind, and stopped. "Yes," he said. "Perfect."

Dib didn't like the sound of that. He ducked behind the corner again and carefully peered out to spy on the Irken. He was standing on an outcropping that overlooked the entire mountain. Dib could see the twinkling lights of the ski resort far below. Behind him was a cliff face with precariously packed snow.

Zim snickered to himself, and Dib narrowed his eyes at his enemy in suspicion. Dib watched as Zim pulled out what looked like two metal cylinders from the confines of his jacket and placed them at the base of the cliff. It took Dib a moment, but he recognized those from one of their various fights. _Explosives!_

"WHAT!?" Shouted Zim, looking frantically around. "WHO SAID THAT!?"

_Shit_, Dib realized, _I said that outloud!_

Zim turned in his direction, "Dib, I know it's you!" He said.

Dib tried to meld with the cliff face behind him_. Ok, you know he hasn't seen you yet, Dib. _He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down. _He's probably just bluffing._

"Dib, you're talking to yourself again," Zim deadpanned.

Dib opened his eyes and sure enough, right next to him was Zim, false eyes glinting eerily in the moon light.

"Ok, you got me," he groaned.

"You were going to foil Zim's plans, weren't you!" Zim sounded indignant. Dib wasn't sure why that would be surprising.

Dib rolled his eyes, "That depends. What's the grand scheme this time? Blow up a mountain?"

Zim crossed his arms. "That's for Zim to know and you to find out." He paced back over to the middle of the out cropping. "Preferably when you meet your _doooom_."

Dib's heart started pounding against his chest in a mix of fear and excitement. As reluctant as he was to admit it, these were the moments he _lived_ for. The script was simple, with room for variation every time. But straightforward.

Zim plots, Dib stalks. Dib is caught. Then the _real_ confrontation begins. As stressful as they were, when Dib was in the middle of it he found it hard to care. It was exciting. Addicting. This whole class trip endeavor was pointless, Dib realized. If Zim hadn't shown up, Dib knew he would be halfway back home before the first day was up, ready to stop some imagined disaster he was _sure_ the alien would be planning.

He grinned. He was ready. "You do realize you can't blow up an entire mountain with only two charges, right?"

"Of course I do!" Dib joined Zim on the outcropping. They began to circle each other in a practiced dance. "Zim's plan is much more _ingenious_."

"Care to share with the rest of the class, space boy?" Dib taunted. All Zim needed was a little push, and he would easily spill every detail of his latest 'diabolical plot.'

"If you _must_ know, dirt-child," _There he goes_, "Zim plans to _destroy_ the human recreational facility by BURYING IT IN ICY DEATH!"

Dib quirked an eyebrow. "Like, an avalanche?" That was actually pretty clever. Not exactly on the right scale for world domination, but clever all the same.

"YES!" Shouted Zim, "EXACTLY LIKE AN AVALANCHE!" Zim threw his head back in a fit of maniacal laughter, and Dib suddenly paled.

At that very moment he realized two things:

One: The universe hated him. (But he already sort of suspected that).

and Two: Zim was a really poor planner. (He wasn't sure how he could have ever forgotten that).

Dib heard the rapid beeping of the charges Zim dropped at the base of the mountain; he knew from experience that meant they would explode in only a few seconds. Zim's rancorous laughter wasn't helping the stability of the mountain either.

He didn't think, he just acted. "Get _DOWN_," he shouted as he body tackled shorter boy. Zim barely had time to protest before his explosives went off with a deafening _BOOM!_ Dib wrapped his body around the alien as best he could.

He didn't know why he didn't just run, why he decided to try and protect Zim instead. He had enough warning to at least get a head start away from ground zero of the blast. Sure, chances were high that he'd end up buried in snow and ice anyway, but at least he could have comfortably said he'd tried to save himself. This was just… Suicide, basically. Maybe he was as crazy as everyone thought he was.


	2. Chapter 2

Zim wasn't really sure how it happened. One minute he was regaling Dib with his latest scheme, the next he was wrapped up in the human's arms as his plan literally blew up in his face.

The rumbling of ice and snow crashing down around them seemed to go on for hours but was probably only seconds. Everything settled, and Zim found himself under the warm weight of Dib's body buried under who knows how much ice and snow.

"Dib," Zim said as he nudged the boy. He was heavy. He was warm. Zim hated him, but he couldn't seem to put the usual malice behind his words. He was scared. Not for himself, no, an Invader never fears for their _own_ safety. Only the safety of their mission! He was scared for Dib.

Zim felt Dib's hot breath on his face. They were _too close_ but the snow seemed to harden around them. "_Dib,"_ Zim tried again. When Dib still didn't respond, verbally or otherwise, Zim could only conclude that the child was unconscious.

"Stupid humans and their inferior physiology," he muttered. Dib was just lucky he had _Zim_ here to rescue him.

This wasn't the first time Zim had to get out from under a pile of stuff with a passenger, and he knew it probably wouldn't be the last. Though, it _was_ the first time the passenger was so much bigger than him. Carefully, Zim hooked his arms and legs around Dib's torso.

After he was sure he had a firm hold on the boy, he carefully stretched and extended his PAK legs. The internal mechanics of his PAK heated them slightly, which allowed them to easily pass through the solidly packed snow. He allowed his _genius_ brain to deduce which direction was up, and then slowly dug their way out.

Had Zim been on his own, he would have been out in no time, but _no_ the stupid dirt-child just had to go and… do… whatever it was he just did. It was _stupid._ Dib was _stupid._ Every few inches he had to stop and make sure Dib was still breathing, and that he still had air _to_ breathe, and since Zim was only using his PAK legs, he couldn't navigate as well as he would have liked.

After about five feet or so, _finally_ they breached the surface. "VICTORY FOR ZIM!" he announced in triumph. He kept his arms firmly wrapped around Dib, but unhooked his legs. He looked around, trying to get an idea of where their location was, but to no avail. All he saw was snow, trees, and rocks.

It was still dark, still cold, and the snow coming down much harder than Zim remembered. Even his superior eyes weren't able to cut through the falling flakes. Between his PAK and his specially made jacket winter clothes, Zim didn't really feel the cold, but the Dib-child was weak and feeble. Zim glanced down at his captive and noticed his lips were turning a faint bluish color. His eyes opened briefly before closing again.

Zim needed to find shelter, if not for himself then for his enemy. The enemy of _Zim_ did not deserve to die like some common earth beast. No, he would only die by _Zim's_ hands. How _dare_ the stupid earth weather try and take what was rightfully his!

He pulled Dib out of the little hole Zim just dragged him up from and onto the top layer of powder. Zim's internal compass told him that they had ended up facing the mountain. That would be their best bet for shelter, so Zim started dutifully trudging towards it.

"Why do humans have to be so _tall_ and _stupid_," he complained out loud. He had to walk backwards to accommodate Dib's ridiculously long limbs. It seemed as though Dib's body caught up with his head during the human maturation process.

After about 30 feet Zim felt his pack hit the rocky surface of the mountain. "Perfect," he said.

Being closer to the mountain provided a bit of shelter from the increasingly heavy dropped Dib for just a moment to remove his contacts and stored them in his PAK before lifting the boy back up again. Using his now unobstructed and undoubtedly _superior_ vision, Zim searched along the cave for some sort of shelter. If it came down to it, he wasn't above _blasting_ a cave, but he wasn't too sure if it was a good idea for Dib to be so close to atomized rock.

_There!_ About 20 feet above where Zim currently stood was the entrance to a small cave. Hopefully it would be deep enough and level enough for the fragile human to recover. He turned Dib around so he was facing him again, before locking his arms around his chest just like he had done in the center of the avalanche.

His PAK legs extended, and once they had a good grip in the cliff face, he hooked his legs around Dib, to ensure his efforts wouldn't be wasted by the child falling to his doom.

Scaling the cliff wall was much easier than digging out of their snowy tomb, and in five minutes Zim had Dib settled on the blessedly level cave floor. It was deep enough to keep out what was quickly developing into a raging storm.

The issue of shelter solved, it was now up to Zim to figure out how to keep the boy from dying. "How can you be so _stupid_," he reprimanded the unconscious boy. It was filled with more worry than malice. "Stupid, stupid, stupid."

Zim pulled off his mittens so he could feel Dib's temperature better. His fingers were too cold, and being dragged through the snow hadn't helped much. He was shivering. Zim knew that if he wanted his nemesis to survive, he had to get his body temperature up.

"If you had a PAK, you wouldn't _have_ this problem, Dib." The boy's shivering only intensified.

Zim perked up at the mention of superior Irken technology. "Of course, that's it!" Zim rolled Dib onto his side, and removed his incredibly fashionable coat, which he draped over Dib's feet and legs. With a bit of careful maneuvering, Zim laid down with his PAK flush against Dib's chest. He pulled Dib's arms around him and held the human's hands close to his chest.

Zim willed the heaters in his PAK to activate, and finally allowed himself to relax.

Zim sensed when Dib finally regained consciousness about 10 minutes later. The boy's pulse quickened, and his fingers twitched in Zim's hands. Dib started to try to move away, but Zim held his arms captive and stopped him with a "Don't."

Dib was too tired, and strangely comfortable, to move anyway. "Zim?" he started. "What are you doing?" He was awake, but he wasn't quite lucid just yet.

Zim scoffed. "Saving your life, pitiful fool-boy."

"By," Dib paused, searching his sleep addled brain for the right word, "spooning?"

"That is ridiculous, Dib-creature," Zim rolled his eyes, even though he knew Dib couldn't see it. "Zim sees no _spoons_."

Whatever this _spooning_ was, they certainly _weren't_ doing it.

"Uh-huh," Dib replied, as skeptical as he could be while still half asleep. He curled up tighter around Zim. He was so _warm;_ Dib didn't really know why but he didn't question it. "We're totally spooning," he muttered into the soft fabric of Zim's hat.

"_Lies!"_ Zim spat. He held Dib's hands closer. They were certainly less blue. That was a good sign.

"Whatever," Dib mumbled, not quite cognitively aware enough to come up with a better response.

Dib laid there curled up around Zim for several minutes before his breathing evened out and he nodded off into a proper sleep.

Zim didn't really understand why he was even doing this. He could've just left his enemy out there. He _should_ have just left his enemy out there. Had they been in this situation a few years earlier, Zim _would_ have left Dib to die. He knew that. Somewhere along the line, something _changed_ and Zim found it utterly _repulsing _but there wasn't much he could do about it.

Dib was just so young, barely out of smeethood developmentally speaking. And yet somehow, without even realizing it, he had ensnared Zim in some sort of _feelings _trap.

_It's like no matter how hard I try to destroy you, you always end up destroying me_. Zim hated it. He hated that he couldn't kill Dib. Not yet, at least. One day, one day he would kill the boy but not now. He would still try to destroy the idiot, but Zim knew that the moment things got truly life threatening he would swoop in and save him.

At least he could tell Dib that he now owed Zim a life debt. Zim smiled at that. _Yes_. Zim would have been fine on his own, but now Dib _owed_ him. Owed him his _life_. And Zim would cash in on that at any time, but only when _he_ felt like it.

Hours passed with Zim wrapped up in Dib's arms. The human's color had returned to him completely, much to Zim's relief. The storm had ended and the first few rays of cool dawn light flitted into the cave, causing Dib to stir a little.

He yawned, and rolled over onto his back. Zim let him this time. "Man," Dib began, "I feel like I got hit by a bus."

Freed from the sleeping teen, Zim sat up. "Finally awake, earth-stink?"

Dib jumped a bit; hearing Zim's voice from so close seemed to startle the last vestiges of sleep right out of him. "Zim!" He tried to back up a bit to put some distance between him and the alien, but his feet were caught up in the Irken's jacket.

"Cease your struggling, dirt-child," Zim commanded. "You are ruining Zim's coat."

Dib blinked and looked down at his feet, finally noticing that his legs were swaddled in the purple and white fabric. With a surprising amount of care, Zim unwrapped Dib's legs, and shrugged the coat onto his own body.

"Come, Dib," he said. "We must hurry back to the re-zort before our absence is noticed and arouses suspicion." He busied himself with replacing his contacts to avoid having to look at the human. It seemed as though even Dib's face was part of his clever _feelings trap_. Zim would not take the bait. He was ABOVE such things.

"Okaaay," Dib started, last night's events slowly returning to him. "But _how?_" Dib had no idea where they were or how they even got there. The last thing he remembered clearly was curling around Zim to protect him from the blast.

Zim rolled his eyes. He shoved his feelings as far down as they would go before turning to Dib and beckoning him towards him. "Zim will take care of it, Dib-worm. Now come."

Dib cautiously approached Zim, but Zim was much too impatient for that. He grabbed Dib under his arms and extended his PAK legs and issued a firm order to "_Hold on_."

He scurried down the cliff wall, and unceremoniously deposited Dib in the snow at the bottom.

With the storm cleared, Zim noticed to his great delight that they weren't far from the ski lift, which meant they weren't far from the lodge. It was too bad his plan to bury it in snow didn't work, but he had suspected it wouldn't from the start. The plan was mostly an excuse to annoy Dib for _daring _to try and have a Zim-free vacation. Everything was better with Zim! Anyone who couldn't see that _clearly _needed reminding.

Zim cheated a little, using his PAK legs to carry Dib over particularly hard to navigate ledges, but eventually they made it back to the lodge, apparently before anyone else was even awake. _Perfect_. The last thing Zim wanted was anyone suspecting they had both been out all night.

Just before they entered their room, Dib turned to Zim. "Soooo," he tried to look anywhere but Zim's face. It wasn't hard to do. "About last night…."

Zim smacked Dib's arm with a mittened hand. "You will never speak of that," he ordered quietly.

"Alright," Dib agreed. "Sound's fair." He couldn't exactly remember much, but if Zim didn't want to talk about it then so be it.

Dib opened the door, and Zim shoved him inside as politely as he was capable of. "You have had a long night, earth child," he said. "Use the sleep."

Dib couldn't exactly disagree. Their trek down the mountain was exhausting, even if Zim had carried him over the rougher parts. Dib was grateful for that, though he'd never admit it. He fell down face first into the bed. "G'night, space boy," he mumbled into the pillows.

Zim sat on the other bed and watched as Dib drifted off to sleep. He tried to resist the urge to initiate the spooning ritual with the human boy.

After about ten minutes he failed to resist the urge. He would move when Dib started waking up, he told himself. The human boy would never know. Zim justified it as ensuring Dib stayed warm, but he knew that he wasn't fooling anyone with that excuse. After some self-reflection, he realized that he didn't actually care.


End file.
